Losses
by sorenalice
Summary: Ghosts forget their lives before their deaths. This is a fact that Danny didn't know. Until his losses were outweighing his gains.


**Losses**

_Because this idea has been floating around in my mind for some time. People say that ghosts forget who they are after their death, but what about half-ghosts? _

My fourth grade teacher came to visit my class today. I couldn't remember her name, or her class. I couldn't remember fourth grade at all. I wouldn't even remember my name if I hadn't heard it yelled at me so many times after my death.

Sam and Tucker know something is wrong, but I can't tell them. They blame themselves for my death, and forgetting everything is a symptom of death. They would only blame themselves.

My parents have been less and less like the parents of little kids that I see on TV or out in public, and more like people who love me one moment, then hate me the next. I can't really remember growing up. Bits and pieces, maybe, but they're blurry.

I don't want to lose everything.

I wish I had kept a journal or something before my death so I could study that and at least pretend to remember.

It's like being reborn. I'm slowly forgetting my life from before the accident, but anything since my death is crystal clear.

I'm going to Vlad's now. He's dealt with this, and he still remembers his life from before. He's gotta have a way to reverse this.

-linebreak-

"Well hello, Little Badger. What are you doing here?" Vlad's silky voice echoed from behind me. I was hovering outside his mansion. I swallowed my pride and spoke.

"I need your help."

He looked stunned for a minute before recomposing himself and smirking.

"What do you need help with? And why should I even consider helping you? It's not like you've done anything I've asked for."

I huffed and opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. It had been a minute by the time I finally got my voice working.

"I'm forgetting things."

Vlad's eyes widened and his mouth hung open.

"Anything before my accident is blurry or nonexistent. I can't remember how I learned to write or add or anything, but I can remember geometry. I can't remember thinking of my parents as only my parents and not my parents and the people hunting me. I can't even remember why I hated Christmas. Please, Vlad- I know you remember before the accident. Help me."

Vlad stammered a bit before he turned away from me.

"Come inside, Daniel. We need to talk."

-linebreak-

Vlad sat me down on a lab table and pulled out a clip board. He clicked his pen a few times before plopping down into an office chair.

"How long have you been half ghost?"

"Around a year and a half…"

He scratched something down on his clipboard.

"What is the first thing you can clearly remember?"

"My death."

Vlad turned away from me and pulled out a calculator. Punching in a few numbers as he faced me again, he continued with his questions.

"Did you ever keep a diary or journal?"

"No."

Vlad nodded and sighed, finishing his calculations and putting down his result on the clipboard.

He sat up and looked me in the eye, his face was grim.

"Daniel, I'm so sorry. There isn't any way to get your memories back. I always kept a journal with me. I wrote in it every day for as long as I could write. I can read these and know for a fact that they happened. Whatever isn't in the journals, however, I don't know."

Tears started streaming down my face.

"N-no. You're lying. You just want me to f-forget everything so I'll be your son or something. I don't wanna forget, Vlad. I can't forget. Please, help me."

I broke down then. My body shook with sobs. I finally faced the reality of my situation.

I was slowly forgetting everything that happened to me before my death. I was forgetting when my parents paid attention to me and Jazz. I was forgetting Jazz taking care of me when Mom and Dad forgot to feed us. I was forgetting meeting Sam and Tucker for the first time. Everything.

All of the experiences that I had before I died were slipping away from me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I only have a year and a half worth of memories I can actually remember clearly. The memories from before are just little clips. Like when you're not sure if it was a dream or if it actually happened. Little, blurry five second shots from something that may or may not have happened.

And there was no way to get them back.

Was I still the same person? Did I have any other friends? Did I ever know another language?

I can remember being able to remember everything a couple months ago, but I can't remember what I was remembering.

Everything was lost.

Everything before my death was pointless. It led to nothing. I led an entire life and I'm not even sure if it was worth it.

"Little Badger, I- I'm sorry, but- there isn't a way. It's not possible. We can't-"

"NO YOU'RE LYING. THERE HAS TO BE A WAY."

My whole body shook with rage and sadness. Vlad stood there like a deer in the headlights. He walked into the center of the lab and typed some things on a computer.

"Daniel, see this?" he pulled up a picture of two brain scans. One looked like it should- like gumby's brain. The other had holes dappling its surface.

"Yeah, but-"

"This is a brain scan. The one on the left, the healthy looking one, is from when I had a concussion when I was 20. The one on the right, with all the holes, was taken two months after my accident.

It is scientifically proven that ghosts forget their lives immediately after their deaths. Our is more like Alzheimer's disease. It's more gradual. I've been looking for years, but there isn't a way I can get our memories back. I'm sorry."

"So there's no way? No way to remember?"

"No, Little Badger, there isn't."

-linebreak-

It's been years since we had that conversation. I've forgotten everything. I can only remember things that happened since I was 14. Sam and Tucker figured it out and yelled at me for not telling them. My parents were very confused when I couldn't remember major things. Jazz figured it out at the very beginning, but she didn't say anything. She talks to me about things that happened sometimes. I really like it when she does. It makes me feel whole.

Vlad called me today and the only thing he said was "It's ready."

I'm hoping that means what I think it means, but it could be a trap. We're still not on the best of terms.

-linebreak-

I can remember now.

Everything.

Every last detail.

In full, vivid technicolor.

_Danny, where are you?_

All of them.

My very first day of school.

Learning the alphabet.

_Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Fenton, It's a boy._

Everything.

The only downside is that I remember everything. I mean EVERYTHING.

Vlad's cure thing couldn't target specific memory time frames to revive, so I can remember being born, learning to walk, speak and eat. It enhanced my memory capability too. I have a perfect 100% accurate photographic memory.

_Maddie! He just said 'Da'! _

It's a downside because sometimes I get flashbacks. One minute I'll be talking with Sam and the next I'm taking my very first steps into my Dad's arms. I can't be trusted with driving or small children or anything fragile.

The flashbacks gave me back my life before I was 14, but they also ruined any life I could potentially have in the future. Whenever I get a flashback I freeze and collapse. I'm completely conscious, I just can't move. My mind is somewhere else.

Vlad died in a car crash because he had a flashback when he was driving.

**I wish I didn't remember. Not if this is the price.**


End file.
